Mr. Clarke's Class Writing Blog :

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Teacher Comment Writing Critiques

Students have been working on the following critiques for over two months now. Students were asked to critique one of the three wilderness survival novels they read on the following criteria: Plot and character development, descriptive writing style of the author, development of conflict and tension and other factors of the book the student enjoyed or disliked. While this was a novel study reading project it became a lengthy and arduous writing project with some writing critiques having been revised 15 times!
Posted by Mr. Clarke on 4/12/07; 2:04:09 PM from the Mr. Clarke dept.

Discuss

Critique of Frozen Fire

Frozen Fire by James Houston

In the book Frozen Fire by James Houston the sequence of events follows a natural and logical order. The first event sets the book and the last one concludes it. I find that the introduction links to the the main body of the book well. The plot of this story doesn’t build tension very well because for the most part you can predict what will probably happen next and the author kind of jumps into the next event a lot. Like their skidoo trip up to where their gasoline spilled. I found that a couple of questions were still unanswered at the end of the book:Did they ever find the gold again and how did they get the skidoo back? I thought that it could maybe do with an epilogue to answer them.

The two characters (Matthew & Kayak) changed through the book by being more independent and less stubborn. I can’t relate to either character except that like Matthew if I found a huge deposit of gold I would carry it as far as I could.

I think that the author uses descriptive language and creates vivid images some, but not all of the time. The author sometimes creates a sense of urgency in dramatic scenes with descriptive language and sometimes with not so descriptive language. I would rate this book 6/10.
Posted by 24178 on 4/12/07; 1:38:39 PM from the Logan dept.

Discuss (7 responses)

Critique of Hatchet

I think that the sequence of events in Hatchet is very believable and natural. I think the start really flows into the book and it continues through the book. If you're looking for a book with lots of suspension in it, this isn’t the book to read. It seems that once Brian learns something the suspension goes away for awhile. For example when he learns to hunt grouse he doesn't do anything for a while until something new comes to mind. The end of the book seems logical but you can foreshadow it and has a lot of questions not answered for me.

The main Character Brian is a city boy who enjoys survival books and movies. Through the book Brian becomes tougher because he takes some injuries such as when the plane crashes and his forehead gets bruised. I think that Brian also becomes much more independent and less selfish. Sometimes I think that Brian knows how to do things that he shouldn’t because it makes it not so inspiring.

I think in some parts the author creates real clean images in my head. In some parts I think the author puts lots of tension and made it very dramatic. If you're an adult thinking that this might be a great hard book, it’s good but one of the easiest books I’ve read. I rate this book 8 out of 10. Enjoy!
Posted by 24177 on 4/12/07; 1:38:12 PM from the Trevor dept.

Discuss (6 responses)

Critique on Frozen Fire

Frozen Fire was an okay book. It had some clever parts and some dull parts, but I'll explain that later.

To start off, the plot was very realistic which was unexpected due to the title. The book might be too slow paced for some and it might be fine for others, for me it was to slow which is a minus. There was a lot of different things happening in the book and it took a long time for some of them to happen, because of this there was so many little things happening you couldn’t always remember them. Some areas of the book were unpredictable and other parts were a little too predictable. At the end of the book you wonder if the characters go on and live the life they want or if something changes their lives once again.

Throughout the book only two characters changed, and one is the main character Matthew. Like most other survival stories he starts off selfish and then, by the end he listens to other people and tries to help them. The other person that changes is Matthews father. His father starts off as a money craving man then by the end he decides to settle down as a normal every day man with a normal paying job.

For the main characters, you could create a picture in your mind because all of them were constantly being described, but for people who were in it for a snippet of the book the images were not that good. The author uses small words which is better for younger people but he still makes parts of the novel exciting. He didn't describe the scenery that well or the setting so he should have done that.

I would give this book a seven out of ten because it has some bad parts but more good parts. But over all I would not say that this is a good enough book to recommend to other people.

General Information Name: Frozen Fire, Author: James Houston, Drawings by: James Houston, Pgs.: 149, Chapters: 10, Ages: 12 and up, Published by: M&S,

Written by Michael
Posted by 23467 on 4/12/07; 1:37:45 PM from the Michael dept.

Discuss (10 responses)

Critique of Lost in The Barrens

Lost in the Barrens is about two boys who set out to try and help a neighborly tribe, and end up having to face the harsh winter in Canada’s north with few supplies.

Jamie and Awasin (the two boys) both change throughout the book. Jamie begins as a city boy who is very eager and a bit of a thick head until an unfortunate event where they must turn back for more supplies. This went very well with the sequence of events. Awasin has lived up north for his whole life and is very sensible and knows lots about the ways of the wilderness, he was also very cautious. Awasin does not change very much, but he does become less cautious when Jamie brings some gifts from the graves. I personally like the characters and think they were very well planned out, although I think Awasin could have changed more throughout the book.

The plot is definitely a good one because whenever the problem is solved plans change and you’re back to phase 1. The book flows incredibly well like as soon as they get water they look for food and they look for food until they find food they don’t all of a sudden go looking for shelter. The intro sets a beautiful picture in my head it may not be a field with lots of flowers and the sun shining high but the picture is crystal clear. The tension is great, one minute they are safe at home the next they are going through a river full of rapids.

Farley Mowat has very descriptive writing style. Ex. Far below ran a narrow valley whose walls were slopes of broken boulders like hills, but the valley floor was a paradise. A dozen tiny lakes lay along it in a chain and they shone like green mirrors. I would not recommend this book to anybody under the age of 9 maybe 8 because there are lots of long words, difficult names and very small writing. I would rate this book 7.5 out of a 10 (1 being not very good 10 being very good).
Posted by 24168 on 4/12/07; 1:37:13 PM from the Corey dept.

Discuss (6 responses)

Critique of Hatchet

“The slithering moved again, he thought towards him at first, and terror took him, stopping his breath.” As stated in the novel Hatchet by Gary Paulson. The novel Hatchet is about a boy who is going to see his father in the north. The plane pilot has a heart attack and the plane crashes in the northern woods. Will Brian be able to survive?

The sequence of events in the novel follows a very believable process throughout the entire novel. Everything just kind of floats along and all the scenes fit together nicely. The introduction starts the book off with a bit of excitement and the author refers back to it throughout the book. It really sets the story up for a good read. The plot does not build tension until the end few chapters, and as you're reading, one event passes to another, but Brian never goes anywhere. The climax is logical but not very exciting, the book kind of keeps going and going but then all of a sudden it is over with not much excitement. The conclusion is good because there are no questions left unanswered.

The main character, Brian, changes throughout the book in very good relation to the plot line. At the beginning he is lazy and used to having someone else do everything for him. Near the end he is responsible for himself and way more independent. His character traits change progressively and in a realistic fashion. I like the character in this book because he is much like a regular 13 year old. He is very believable because of the way he acts. For example the way he eats because he likes to eat hamburgers and a lot of things that a 13 year old boy would eat. I could not really see myself in his situation because my parents are not divorced, and also for very many other reasons.

The author, Gary Paulsen, creates very good and clear pictures in my mind because he uses a very descriptive language. For example here is a sentence from the book to show how the author writes: 'Here the trees were not all the way down but twisted and snapped off half way up from the ground , so their tops were all down and rotted and gone leaving the snags poking into the sky like broken teeth.' He uses similes, metaphors, and personification in his writing which helps create a picture. The author puts excitement into scenes by writing using a suspenseful and good language like the caption from the book I used at the beginning of this critique.

I would rate this book a seven out of ten because it was pretty good but it was kind of boring at times.

Other information: Cost: $ 4.95 Canadian Ages: 12 and up Published by: The Penguin Group (Penguin Books) Pages: 195
Posted by 24185 on 4/12/07; 1:36:38 PM from the Heather dept.

Discuss (7 responses)

Critique of Lost in the Barrens

Lost in the Barrens is about two boys named Awasin and Jamie who leave their camp to help their niehboring clan hunt caribou. When they were hunting Jamie and Awasin go to find a stone house and crash their boat in the rapids. They then get lost from thier camp and go through many eventsthat test them mentaly and phisicaly.

What I thought of Lost in the Barrens is that the introduction did set a scene well because you can tell that Awasin and Jamie would get in trouble because of their age and because they’re boys. The sequence of events followed a natural and believable plot like when the boys try to cut down a tree but it takes them a long time, this is realistic because they only have a small axe. The climax is logical and exhilarating especially during the time when they where hunting the bucks. The resolution and conclusion are left answered very well. Tension builds up to the climax well through out the book.

Jamie changes a lot through the book and he changes in a realistic fashion. At the start of the book he is kind of immature but by the end he learns to make smarter choices. I liked the characters even though I can’t relate them to my life because I only ever got lost once in Florida and its not the same at all.

The author can create fairly vivid images for example when Jamie is running to get back to Awasin because the bear is attacking he describes the scene with the dogs running around and Awasin running away really well. The use of creative writing techniques is good and fairly creative. The author does create a sense of urgency in drastic times. Over all I liked the book a lot for its excitement and tension.
Posted by 24179 on 4/12/07; 1:36:13 PM from the Owen dept.

Discuss (9 responses)

Critique on Frozen Fire

I’m critiquing a book called Frozen Fire by James Houston. The events of this novel don’t really follow a believable process. There are pretty unbelievable things like crazy people living in holes in the middle of the arctic. The intro does kind of link to the main body of the novel by having the story based on one thing because it starts off at an airport in Montreal going to the arctic. I don't think the climax was very exiting because nothing happens a lot , it is mostly walking. At the end there are questions left unanswered like what happens after and how the dad got rescued. It seems like the author just rushed the end to make the book done which made it all seem cluttered.

The characters (Matthew and Kayak) do change through the story by facing the cold barren arctic and surviving for days without food. Also Matthew changes by listening to Kayak which helps him become more knowledgeable about the arctic.

The author isn’t very descriptive because he only mentions things instead of describing them. Scenes lack excitement because of lack of describing. Ex. 1. "Is that an Eskimo?" Matthew whispered, staring at the short, deeply tanned man with wide cheekbones. Ex. 2. "That can't be a school," said Matthew. "It looks more like a round silver spaceship with red markings."

I would rate this book a 5.5 out of 10 because the plot wasn't very good and was very undescriptive.
Posted by 24136 on 4/12/07; 1:35:53 PM from the Jaxson dept.

Discuss (11 responses)

Lost in the Barrens Critique

Lost in the Barrens

Lost in the Barrens is a story of two boys getting lost in the barrens.

The story is a bit unbelievable, the two boys know exactly what to do and when to do it. The beginning gives you no clue of the events that will follow except the length of the book and the title. The plot never really gets any more exciting except in a few parts like when the two boys first get lost (it didn’t make me want to keep reading). There was never really a climax that was really exciting. There is some unanswered questions but they are probably answered in the sequel.

Throughout the novel you slowly learn more and more about both main characters. They do seem a bit unrealistic in the amount of knowledge that they have. Such as "I wish this storm would stop" next day it stops. The characters do change the plot in some realistic ways such as when Jamie makes a bow which helps them get more food, and Awasin came up with lots of things that saved their lives.

I didn’t really like Farley Mowat’s writing style. He made the boring parts long and the parts that could be exciting short. Most of the parts were made boring not by lack of description but way too much description.

Rating: 50%

Pros: OK story line

Cons: Unbelievable in parts, Writing style ruins it.

Who it's for: People that like wilderness survival stories with lots of boring parts.
Posted by 23459 on 4/12/07; 1:34:42 PM from the Kalin dept.

Discuss (8 responses)

Critique of Hatchet

Hatchet has a believable and natural plot the whole story flows through out the book, at the start of the book there is a lot of tension. But when Brian is starting to learn how to live in the wild there isn't that much tension. The climax is very logical and exciting there are quite a bit of questions left unanswered like “Did he ever go back to his dad’s?” The main character Brian changes a lot because he was a city boy at first and all he would really do was watch T.V. When when the plane crashed he was very unsure of what to do. In the begging he would eat berries, then Brian started to realize that he won’t live much longer if he doesn't start making things to live. Brian starts eating other stuff besides berries and he is building tools so he would be able to survive.

When he changes it is very realistic and it could happen in real life. There is really only one character throughout the book besides his mom, dad and the pilot. The author is able too create really good images in his writing. The author has really exciting critiques. The author creates exciting sentences. In places of the book it is a little tense because you want to know what happens next. He doesn't use a lot of similes he could have use one in this sentence “The smell was awful and he couldn't place it” he could of said the smell was like something.

I would recommend this book to people a little older because there is some drama and some of the writing the author uses is a little bit harsh.
Posted by 25788 on 4/12/07; 1:34:06 PM from the Jocelyn dept.

Discuss (6 responses)

Critique of Frozen Fire

Great and Awesome are both good words to describe the book Frozen Fire. The plot runs through a sequence of descriptive events that sets the scene for the introduction in a detailed fashion. Realistic Fiction is the genre of Frozen Fire because of when the two characters Matthew and Kayak go off on their own and have to survive a section of the winter alone. If you enjoy one awesome climax this is a great book because of adventure that both Kayak and Mathew go through.

The two main characters in the the book Frozen Fire are Matthew and Kayak. The characters change throughout the story which makes the read much more enjoyable. For example when Matthew gets to the small town that his father will be working in. He does not at all want to stay or be going to school there and wants to go back to Arizona, his home town. His father and Charlie go to check a copper mine that they believe may make them rich. Mathew realizes that his father and Charlie may be dead or in serious danger. The two boys set out for what turns out to be a very adventurous search. When Mathew and Kayak return Mathew feels very close to the small community and his father.

James Houston has a fairly basic writing style but often I thought that his writing style lacked the excitement that you would picture in your mind. Houston was not very dramatic at scenes of confusion, fury excitement etc. I thought that the book Frozen Fire was not well written at parts but still a good story. I think that the book out of 10 is a 7.
Posted by 23462 on 4/12/07; 1:33:32 PM from the Nesha dept.

Discuss (6 responses)

Critique of Hatchet

Hatchet is about a boy who is flying on a plane to see his dad. A sudden heart attack takes the pilot down and also the plane. Brian manages to fly it into a lake and he swam up from there. Brian realizes he is in a new world, and he has to do everything himself. Will he survive?

Throughout this novel, I think it is believable because everything that happens to Brian could happen to someone else. The introduction sets the scene and links to the body of the story quite well because it uses good settings for example when he’s on the plane or on the island, then it kind of flows into the main part of the story. The plot is exciting because the book describes events really well and suspense builds, through the story until a big part comes!

The main character in this story is Brian and he does change through the story because he goes from lazy and depends on other people to do things for him to reliable and not lazy anymore. I like the character Brian because I think the author made him a perfect age (13). If he was any older, then he would know more to survive, and if he was younger then he would know too less about how to survive. 13 years old is a perfect age for this character. I don’t really see myself as this character because I don’t think I would survive that long or be able to make those kind of weapons.

The author really did paint a picture in my mind. I think the author used good language and vocabulary through the whole book. He created tension, if I had to go to bed I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to put the book down, it was so good. In life or death situations, Gary Paulsen is very descriptive in his words. I can see Brain almost not being able to make it all the way through but finally reaching the end of his nightmare and getting rescued.

Rating: 7/10 By Micah Copland
Posted by 23451 on 4/12/07; 1:33:11 PM from the Micah dept.

Discuss (5 responses)

Lost in The BarrensCW

Tittle: Lost In The Barrens Author: Farley Mowat Illustrated by: Charles Geer Pages: 192 Rating: 7 out of 10 Stars

Intro: They must conquer the frozen North or die.

I really liked “Lost In The Barrens”. This book was very exciting and thrilling. I think that the problems and the adventure could happen in real life so the book would be realistic fiction. People could get lost in the North. They could survive or die it depends on if you have food, warm clothes and can hunt. The beginning of the book describes Jamie and tells what has happened in the past life. Now Jamie lives with his Uncle. His Uncle is his closest relative.

The climax in the book is when the boys get rescued, because they get found by the Eskimo people and they get nourished back to health. Then after that the Eskimo people brought them back to their home. But if they didn't get saved by the Eskimo people they would have died out there so they are very lucky to have been found. The climax is exciting!

The book ends with a good resolution. The questions of the plot are all answered and Jamie and Awasin make make it home safely with the help of their new Eskimo friends

I think the characters do change during the story if I was talking about Jamie then I say that when he first came to the north, he was a city boy. But during the story he gets less and less city boyish. How Jamie changes through the story is he learns the skills his Uncle taught him. He got better at life in the wilderness during the story. He learned from Awasin, who guided him and helped him with survival skills, so they could survive the North. I really like the characters. Jamie can be stubborn and can cooperate. Awasin is very nice, I can’t think of anything that would not make him a unhelpful and nice person.

I can’t see me being the main character of the book. But I can compare myself to Jamie, I can relate myself to him by one thing, that I can be stubborn sometimes.

I think that the author creates clear and neat images and is very good at writing the story. In parts of the story he uses big words and he is very good at using the big words. The author does very good dramatic life and death sentences. He does very good wording and it makes me want to read on and never stop until I find out what happens next.
Posted by 24134 on 4/12/07; 1:32:28 PM from the Casey dept.

Discuss (3 responses)

Hatchet

Hatchet is about a boy Brian who is flying to his father’s place after a divorce between his parents. And on the way tragic things happen and he ends up facing the Canadian wilderness on his own.

I think the character (Brian) changes thoughout the book because at first he was little over weight and everyone does mostly everything for him but little bit further into the book he changes because he starts doing things on his own like getting himself something to eat making his own shelter and getting wood to make stuff, he also loses weight in the book.

The author, Gary Paulsen, explains the book well. Paulsen creates real and interesting images for example: when he is in the plane and when he gets his food yes the author creates some dramatic scenes and death related, some of the scenes aren't that exciting but there are some scenes that are very exciting the author creates urgency in some parts because its really exciting and you just want to keep on reading until you get to the main part that your waiting for . And it is a dramatic life for the main character, Brian the author uses descriptive words. And creates good images in your head it`s a good book . And the author has a good ending to the book. If your the sort of person who likes a book that has adventure dramatic scenes and death scenes in it . It’s a realistic Fiction book ( It could happen).

I rate this book 8 out of 10
Posted by 27451 on 4/12/07; 1:16:23 PM from the Kasey dept.

Discuss (10 responses)

Critique of Lost In The Barrens

Lost in the barrens is an excellent, enjoyable book with lots of suspense. I would highly recommend this book. It keeps you waiting until something jumps out. The events seem realistic to me. The introduction sets the idea of the book and the scene pretty good. The plot builds lots of tension towards the climax. I also think the climax is really exciting and logical. The resolution and conclusion are complete to me they don’t really leave any questions unanswered.

There are two main characters Jamie and Awaison in the book they are very smart and intelligent. Also some other characters like the deer they meet come in and out during the book.

I thought the author had great technique all through out the book. The author created vivid images throughout the book. Most of the scenes are exciting and suspenseful and don’t lack description. Also the author uses lots of similes,metaphors and personification. If I were to rate this book I would probably rate it 9 out of 10. I would highly recommend this book to people who like suspencefull and adventerus books.
Posted by 23101 on 4/12/07; 1:12:33 PM from the Territ dept.

Discuss (13 responses)

Critique of Hatchet

Awesome/Great are two good words to describe Gary Paulsen’s Hatchet. This book is very believable and everything that happens to Brian links up some other experience. I would rate this book on a 1-10 scale as a 8.5.

There is tension that is built up to the climax, also the conclusion isn’t rushed. He actually is attacked by animals, almost starves and is very home sick until very close to the climax (that is what makes this book hard to put down). The book is very logical and exiting. I would like to know what his parents think of him being back at home and that was the only question I had about in the whole book.

Brian (the main character) learns how to survive in the wilderness. Before the plane crashed he hadn’t known a thing about nature except for what he had seen on television. For example at first he can’t find any food except for some berries and he had seen some people on television eating berries and so he decided to eat berries until he got a better plan.

The progression though the plot is realistic. For example when the porcupine enters his house he throws the hatchet at the porcupine and the sparks from the hatchet leads him to make fire. I like Brian because he seems to gain bravery through out the book. I can relate to him because I have had encounters with animals. I can picture me as the main character but I do know more about wilderness than Brian did at first.

The author, Gary Paulsen creates a very realistic bold image. He is very descriptive Brian is almost killed a number of times like when a moose charges him or when the pilot dies from a heart attack. The author is a great writer and I would recommend this book to anyone who likes survival stories.
Posted by 24181 on 4/12/07; 1:11:59 PM from the Emily dept.

Discuss (4 responses)

frozen fire

Critique Writhing Frozen Fire A tale of courage

Heart stopping. Yes heart stopping is the word I would use for frozen fire. It is by James Houston, also author of River Runners, The White Archer and Long Claws. It is about a 13 year old boy who tries to find his lost father in the arctic but nearly gets frozen to death instead along with his friend Kayak. The story takes place on Baffin island in Nunavut. The plot was pretty good but the boys always knew what to do in bad situations. The beginning was very slow as well. I would recommend it to kids from 8 to 13 years old. The genera of this book is realistic fiction.

Houston was able to create some very storytelling images in the book. For example: “Matthew saw the great bear swing its head back and fourth, sniffing the air suspiciously. Its huge blue black mouth hung open showing its terrible teeth with a rumbling growl, the giant bear lowered its head shambling toward them.” Other times the book lacked description intensity.

I would give this book a rating of 6/10 because I was wondering what happened to all of the characters at the end of the book.

This book has 144 pages and is jam packed with action and adventure. Frozen Fire was published by M&S.
Posted by 24524 on 4/12/07; 1:10:10 PM from the dept.

Discuss (5 responses)